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Dear Elijah, on your fourth heart day

Elijah the heart hero never letting anything stop him.

Today is your 4th heart day.
It's 4 years since we took you down to Great Ormond Street for open heart surgery.
It seems to have crept up on us again.
Another whole year has passed but it hasn't changed how I feel about that day.
Some have said that oh, by now surely you should have gotten over it after all it's been 4 years.
The answer is I don't think I ever will.
I have been thinking a lot about that day, where I signed the consent forms for them to take you and operate on you.
To either save or take your life.
That day was the worst of my life, the unknown certainty of whether you would come back up again.
I held you as they put you to sleep.
They gave me your dummy as they took you from me and laid you on the operating table as if you weighed nothing.
I couldn't even kiss you goodbye in case it was the last time.
That's why I won't ever get over it and those who have been in the same or similar situations would con cur this.
Or, some may question why we choose to celebrate today.
They may not understand or have even heard of it. As much as it is about celebrating the amazing achievement you over came that day, it is also about recognising how far you've come.
My pride for you knows no bounds.
You are my everything.
There isn't a day that goes by that I'm not constantly surprised by what you've achieved.
You are so funny, so kind and so clever.
I love that you have inherited my love of books, the fact your favourite thing to do is raid the charity shops and I love how independent you are.
Dressing yourself, making breakfast and even making your bed are all simple things you enjoy doing every single day.
You are so mature I sometimes forget when I'm talking to you that you are only 4! Now, we are months away from you starting school and that terrifies me but I know you'll be amazing.
Because you are amazing at everything you put your mind too.
You've been through more in 4 years than most people have gone through their whole lives.
You've had some struggles in this last year, we all have but we've come through it as a family.
We've been dealing with you being a HSC and frustrations have been rife but you've dealt with it so brilliantly.
Just like you always have and will always do.
You kicked chicken pox butt (eventually) something that has scared me since your birth.You are the only baby who after having heart surgery fought sedation when he could hear my voice.
The heart warrior who came home in less that 5 days with a smile on his face.
The one who is on no medication, on 18m check ups and no restrictions.
The one who never tires, is always eager to learn, to move and try new things (albeit it with a bit of encouragement).
We celebrate heart day to give others hope.
To raise awareness of CHD.
Today, we celebrate you.
Everything you've done and will do.
I'll never forget what we all went through that day. 
You are my hero kiddo and always will be.
Happy Heart day my beautiful boy.
Love Mum x


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