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To my second son on your first birthday...

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To my darling boy,
You seem so large in my arms all of a sudden or perhaps it's because I am taking notice of how much you've changed.
From your less than traditional entrance in the world you were always going to do it differently weren't you?
You are already , walking, talking and climbing on anything you can get your hands and feet on.
You seem so old, yet are still so young.
You race around to keep up with your brother.
You play with and do whatever he does, perhaps that's why you seem so grown up.
I see how you look at him, with complete love and devotion.
I am writing to say two things.
One, Happy 1st Birthday my long haired loony. I hope you enjoy being spoilt beyond belief. Something your not too used too hay?
The other is to say I am sorry.
After you were born I wasn't myself for a very long time and somewhere along the line I blamed you.
I blamed you for how I was feeling, for the darkness and that wasn't fair.
I couldn't control the darkness and…

#MakeBirthBetter

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I have given birth twice now, and have two very different stories I could tell you.

As a society we seem to love a good birth story.

I remember people messaging me just after H was born via social media and the blog desperate for me to publish our birth story.

I have friends who were induced, who were in labour for minutes, hours and even days.

I know those who had C ections, VBACS, vaginal births and everything in between. There is no denying it we love a birth story.

But here is what I've learnt, we don't necessarily tell the truth especially if we had a bad or traumatic birth.

We glaze over it, we say it was fine and it's okay because we got our little bundle of non sleeping joy at the end of it.

We trick ourselves into thinking people have had it worse than us, that we are making a fuss.

It's okay because we got through it despite how horrendous it really was and now we do what we do best we bury it, paper over the cracks and move on.

Or do we?

There is still so m…

Hope

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-Hope-

To you, sitting there watching your baby through an incubator window.

To you, fearing the worst after being dealt the devastating blow that your child is going to have this sentence around their neck for life.

To you, standing in the hospital corridor while your child is in surgery.

To you, crying yourself to sleep because you think your child will be taken from you.

To you, sitting in recovery looking down at your child wondering if they will ever be the same again.

To you, terrified that they will never meet their milestones.

Dear Kelly Brook...

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Dear Kelly Brook,
I would like to drop a quick note to you about those comments that you made about mothers being unprofessional compared to their childless colleagues if they have childcare issues.

I'll share the day I had yesterday with you. I am a freelance writer having left my office job last year. Sounds like a walk in the park working from home around two small kids?
It's not.

I know how in demand writing gigs are and I have to go up against a number of writers with no children and thus more managable time.

I had my 11 month old baby yet I juggled 3 deadlines and even chose to take on some urgent quick turn around work that afternoon too, three loads of washing and then worked up until the kids bedtime. 

I know I have to put in more effort, work harder and be more reliable all because I am a mother. I still took time out to play, put him down for a nap and dropped my other son off at nursery. I presume this makes me unprofessional working with my childcare issue?!

I st…

The time I let my three-year-old takeover my Instagram.

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I often wondered what Elijah must think I do when he sees me on my phone, or on the laptop when we label it as ‘Mummy is working’.
He has had his fair share of requests from me to pose for my Instagram or blog and I had this idea a while back about him taking over my grid.
I wanted to see things from his point of view via his eyes.
He would choose what he wanted to post and take the photos himself, I would upload and for one-week Elijah would takeover.
Slightly worried I would have no followers left after a week of photos of his SuperZing collection never the less we decided on a week he would takeover.
Beforehand I spoke to Elijah about how I choose to share photos, who can see them, and showing him my grid, he had already come up with a few posts he wanted to do. Including a photo of him on the toilet which was quickly vetoed.
I was really interested to see what was important enough to Elijah for him to share, and what he would glean from this or already knew about how social media worke…

To the NHS, Thank You.

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Sometimes you read something that you can relate to and you have to share. I wanted to do more than share on FB. I wanted to share a dear friend's very stark words as far as I could. Which is why today, I have a very improtu guest blog post. 

I have written before about having an ill child makes you realise just how lucky you really are to live in a country that has the NHS. Yes, it has it's flaws, it's over stretched but they are all doing an amazing job they don't hear this enough. Instead they get moaned at, shouted at and publicly criticised. 

From the bottom of my heart I can never thank the enough for what they have done for my family but I urge you to read on. Please do like/share and spread my friend Chantel's utterly brilliant words below.

In the last 6 days I have stepped foot through Norfolk & Norwich A&E 3 times. I’m not usually one for publicly discussing personal affairs but felt compelled to do so in this instance.

We are very lucky in this cou…

One ill child. One "normal" child.

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Someone recently asked me with great trepidation if I treated Elijah and Harlow differently, with Elijah having CHD and an open heart surgery under his belt already did it change how I treated them.
The fact for the rest of his life CHD will be a lurking like a black cloud over us all does change things. She too had a child with a lifelong condition and one who doesn't.
One ill child. One "normal" child.

I could see the worry on her face about asking me this but I knew she needed reassurance that she’d been battling to rationalise this for herself for some time. The guilt was etched on her face. If we felt like this I am sure many others would so I wanted to honestly share my feelings to say we shouldn't feel like we cannot talk about something like this when you have one ill child and one who isn't. I know it's not the done thing to talk about who you favour etc. but the truth is...

Yes.
I do treat Elijah differently to Harlow sometimes intentionally sometimes s…