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September and all of the feels.

This month holds a lot of conflicting emotions for me.
The reason?
E was born on Sept 18th 2014.
September was the month I became a mum.
September was the month I met my little boy 4 years ago.
September was the month my world crashed around me.
September was the month I had my baby taken away 12 hours post birth and admitted to NICU.
September is the month I watched my baby through an incubator fight for his life.
September is the month where we found out he had a stroke and also needed open heart surgery.
September is the month my life changed forever.
September is the month I became a NICU Mum.
September is the month where I began to develop #PTSD.
September is #nicuawarenessmonth and I will be sharing ALOT of #nicu posts and blogs about my experience as a #nicumum for a number of websites, publications and organisations to raise awareness of our story and the issues we fought and to say thanks to the amazing #nicustaff and #nhs who look after #nicubabys and families every single day.
We have come so far in 4 years but every year at this time I find myself right back in front of those double doors with a knot in my stomach, bile rising in my throat, tears stinging my eyes wondering if he was going to be okay that we might hear those words we craved for days to hear;
"You're going home." .


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