There has been some unrest in the household this week.
The reason?
I am 34 weeks pregnant and I am nesting like a maniac.
Irrational, impatient and neurotic, my desire to clean is something else right now.
There are no words you can use to describe the overwhelming
urge to completely bleach and disinfect the whole house, all its contents,
animals and family members to your partner at 11pm. Or why you are reorganising
your books that you haven’t touched in 2 years, and yes it does have to be done
NOW. RIGHT NOW, no I do not care if we are going out the kitchen tops need
scrubbing down.
Cleaning products have basically become foreplay to me, and
I have endless lists of what needs to be cleaned, chucked away or done before
the baby comes.
Here are a few signs to look for when you enter the nesting stage of pregnancy.
1.
You begin to dream of bleach and fantasise about
cleaning products.
2.
You begin to look at your house in a whole new
light, examining every mark, every piece of fluff, each smudge and you will spend all day wondering how you can eradicate it, normally
with BLEACH (have I mentioned how much I love bleach atm?). In my house with a two-year-old
toddler, it is never going to happen and it is driving me MAD. I have considered
banning all jam products. Or maybe the toddler.
3. It begins to be a turn on going down a
supermarket cleaning aisle, I could spend hours looking at cleaning cloths.
4. Your hands are bright red from boiling water and
bleach, you are only satisfied doing it yourself, no one else can do it
properly.
5. You have rearranged the whole house twice; your partner
comes home and doesn’t know where anything is anymore.
6. The baby’s clothes are in an order than only
makes sense to you. (Mine are organised in size order, each new size has its
own draw; new-born, 0-3 months, 3-6 months, 6 months+.
7. Never have you wanted to scrub the floors, tops
and doors as much as you do right now. You cannot rest, sit or relax until it
is done.
8. Despite you being the size of a small rhino and
not at your most mobile, you still manage to get down and scrub the skirting
boards.
9. The bin men begin to resent your house as the sheer
weight of the bins from chucking everything away has caused many a back injury.
10.
You may be having contractions but you will still
Zoflora the hell out of the bathtub.
A friendly warning to partners/ family members; NEVER GET IN
THE WAY OF A NESTING PREGNANT LADY.P.s You will get bonus points by bringing us storage boxes, cleaning products and a Wispa Gold.
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| Pregnant lady porn right there. |
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