Skip to main content

Survival tips when your flying solo...

Bribery. Alot of bribery.
Whether you have one, two, three or six small humans that belong to you, there will come a time where you have to ride the frankly terrifying ride of parentdom alone. Here are a few observations/ tips you can use for your own survival! 

1. Expect to be attached to a small human for 90% of the day. Sack of any plans to achieve anying other than perhaps having enough time to poo before the screaming begins again. Bonus points if you get to wipe before you're interrupted by the wailing limpet or invading toddler. I mean who doesn't like an audience? 

2. What you plan to shower or bath? HAHAHA. Unless you time it very well this is not going to happen. My advice? Wet wipes, dry shampoo and deodrant ALOT of deodrant. 

3. Pack a Bear Grylls worthy survival bag if you dare venture outside. You cannot have enough wipes and clothes everything will be covered in sick, shit and piss before you have even left the house...Ahhh the day light it burns...

4. Get confident identifying various stains on your clothes when someone asks what's that? Pretend you didn't notice until now. But you did and made the conscious decison to rewear it this morning after it sat on the floor for 2 days festering.

5. Have a pack of biscuits on hand at all time. They are suitable for breakfast/lunch/ tea. You can eat them with one hand too.

6. Make sure you always have the following in the house..  perhaps more important that wet wipes. Coffee.... GIN.... COFFEE.... GIN...

7. Accept help... all the help. You can digest the guilt later. You feel like you have to do it all and do it alone. You don't. Someone wants to make you food? Take the older kids out? Wash up? For heavens sake sit on your arse and let them! You birthed a person and are keeping it alive. First time round I broke myself trying to do it all. Second time? I let everyone help and yeah, I felt a tad bad but it was so much better for us all in the long run.

8. The best investment you can make as a parent? Netflix. Perfect for feeding binge sessions and to bribe older siblings with too. I am 90% sure Elijah has watched every episode of Fireman Sam EVER made but it has brought me a lot of time! 

9. You can use wet wipes for everything! Jam on the wall? Baby vomit on your leggings? Facial clenser? Poo up the toddler's back? Hell, all they need now is to make edible ones and you have an all rounder there!

10. Remember to laugh. It can sometimes feel like the last thing you feel like doing but it is so important! Laugh it off when your toddler keeps the cat prisoner in his Paw Patrol tent much to her dismay. Or when you find him butt naked up the window watching the bin men. When your toddler shouts F**k sake at the top of his voice in McDonald's or when your newborn just projectiled at baby massage and did the biggest poonami in Costa.

What would be your top tip for surviving the small humans??

#parent #survival #passthegin 



Popular posts from this blog

Dear Elijah, on your fourth heart day

Elijah the heart hero never letting anything stop him. Today  is your 4th heart day. It's 4 years since we took you down to Great Ormond Street for open heart surgery. It seems to have crept up on us again. Another whole year has passed but it hasn't changed how I feel about that day. Some have said that oh, by now surely you should have gotten over it after all it's been 4 years. The answer is I don't think I ever will. I have been thinking a lot about that day, where I signed the consent forms for them to take you and operate on you. To either save or take your life. That day was the worst of my life, the unknown certainty of whether you would come back up again. I held you as they put you to sleep. They gave me your dummy as they took you from me and laid you on the operating table as if you weighed nothing. I couldn't even kiss you goodbye in case it was the last time. That's why I won't ever get over it and those who have been in the

The obligatory birth story

Eighteen months have passed since our beautiful little miracle emerged (I say emerged because 'vigorously ripped out' doesn't have the same ring to it). The rollercoaster of the past year and a half has somewhat levelled off, and things have become almost normal. Now feels as good a time as any, for me to confess (to HONESTLY confess) what it's like to give birth, become a mother, and cope with the joys of reflux, teething, milestones and TODDLERDOM! And how having an NICU baby with a heart defect makes these things all the more stressful. Oh, and there's also my increasing fear that Elijah is Damien from the Omen, with his endless antagonising of our cats. I will save the nine glorious months of swollen feet, constipation, and eating chocolate on the sofa, like a whale (whilst watching RHOBH in my pants) for another time. This is the story of how Elijah was born. To be honest, after watching numerous programmes on TV, they make it look like, once your 

Day One - Diagnosis

Disbelieving the diagnosis. Every day for 28 days I will be taking part in the  #chdphotochallenge over on my Instagram but I will also be blogging everyday too. Today, is day one and the theme is Diagnosis. I can remember vividly when we recieved Elijah's diagnosis of CHD and Tetralogy of Fallot. It is a day I don't look back on fondly. We were visited bedside by the consultant on the maternity ward. We were told via diagrams that Elijah's heart wasn't working correctly. There were numerous structural abnormalities which were causing his cynatic episodes. In layman's terms his heart leaked back de oxygenated blood, there was a hole that would need to be repaired and thickening of the heart muscle too. The terms overwhelmed me, I didn't know what they really meant for my baby who was fighting for his life. Receiving the diagnosis was the day our lives changed forever. We were no longer new parents but heart parents of a CHD bab