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I am Vicki Cockerill- NICU Mum.

Trying to live in the present again

I thought I would finally take some time to update the blog on why it has been so quiet over here recently.

For those that follow my social media will know that back in Dec I quit my job and became a freelance writer. Fast forward a few months and some trial and error I can also now add social media adviser to my bow.

Going solo and standing on my own two feet was and still is terrifying. It is not the same as a regular pay cheque going into the bank each month. That coupled with a complete lack of confidence that I was good enough for people to pay me.

A couple of months ago I also began therapy. Turns out writing about a traumatic event again and again does not mean you’ve processed it. It just means you’ve learnt the script, but instead I live in the past, missing out on the present. I also didn’t appreciate the effect Harlow’s birth had on me, and what happened in my childhood is still holding me back from being the mum I want to be to the boys.

This was a turning point for me, as was Elijah’s 3rd heart day when I realised that being stuck to my phone 24/7 and spending hours locked away working on everything and anything was not working, pay or no pay it must feel right for me. I didn’t know who or what I was trying to be and branded myself as something I wasn’t.

Perhaps it was comparing myself to everyone else and seeing what they were doing, feeling left out, not good enough or just trying to prove to myself and everyone else that I can make a living from this and make it work.

I missed feeling so strongly and passionately about something that I could bang out a blog post in 10 minutes. In the throws of trying to set up a business and for it to work I missed what I loved doing, writing and being creative advising people on what I know best.

In the last few weeks I stripped back and went back to basics and for now that is what is working for me, because trying to curate a post for someone with two kids climbing up your legs does not work, who would have thought it? I thought who am I?

I am a mum of two, who went through NICU and watched my son have heart surgery. I am a mum of two boys. I have built up a blog from nothing and ran it alone, organically for over three years and that’s me. It’s my brand as such and that is what I will build on. I am no frills or flatlays honest about everything, especially my mental health. I will get back to writing about what I feel strongly about and getting back to what I enjoy. Writing and advising. I must get over the fear I am not good enough, because looking back what I have built, I am.

It has also reminded me and reignited my passion for change, and for NICU parents. I am in the process of launching my very own campaign which will demand review and funding for a dedicated mental health care system put into place during and after NICU for NICU parents a full blog post on this will be coming very soon, for now details can be found over on my FB PAGE.

In less than a week’s time, alongside the beauty that is Sophie from Muffin and Puffin Marketing (also my career adviser and the Karen to my Claude 😉) we will be hosting are very first #KnackeredandNorwich social club meet for fellow tired parents in Norwich! I still cannot believe we have 18 people coming to see us!! Who would have thought it!

I have a lot to be grateful for, and some great opportunities at the moment that do not come at the cost of my mental health and family time and that is what is important so I can get back to being me- Vicki Cockerill – NICU Mum.

The start of something new.


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