Skip to main content

A letter to my son turning two.

Well here we are little man, your second birthday.
I am sure most parents get emotional when their child’s birthday approaches, however you don’t know this yet, but you are extra special. Not just extra special in the fact that all parents think their child is, but you have proved everyone wrong in just 24 months.

You are so strong, so amazing and you do not even know it yet kiddo. This year started off well, with us not needing to see the heart consultant until Jan 2017, then you being discharged from the development clinic all together!

You moved up in nursery 2 months ahead of your little friends of the same age and you have settled in and learnt so much. Wow, haven’t you? Your love of cars, motorbikes, lorries anything with wheels! Your Grandad would have been so proud.
You can say so much now! Your love of singing is infectious and I love our movie days together. I love how you look after your little babies and tuck them in at night, you are so kind and gentle. You love your cats and help me look after the hamster. You sleep with a mammoth number of teddies and when I take a sneaky peek in at night I can barely pick you out, you are always clutching one to you tightly.
You look after me when I am ill, you share your snacks with me and even make me drink water. Mummy wasn’t very well at the start of this year was she? But, you saved me. You did something for me, that no amount of medication or counselling did. You gave me the push to change. To take just a little bit of your strength and get through the PTSD diagnosis. You gave me a fierceness in my belly to do something, to make something of myself and to be happy again. I wanted to make you proud. I don’t even recognise myself anymore, I am the happiest I have been in so long, that’s because of you.
Me and my heart warrior
Every day you find a new way to make me laugh, or make me grateful that yes we did have a hard start but it doesn’t matter, because I have you. It took a long time, and a lot of work to process the journey we had but I think I have done it. I am proud to be your mum, your NICU MUM, your heart warrior mum. You picked your own 'Minion' themed birthday party and have been telling me who you want to invite from nursery. You have been telling me exactly what toys you want from the advert's and how much you cannot wait for cake!
My little one I am looking at you now pretending you are on the phone to Nanny, on your little ride along car and my heart nearly bursts. You have grown so close to her, your God parents and family. You have become such a loving and confident little boy, when you used to shy away.
A whole two years ago
Looking back at this time last year, you were nearly walking and now you don’t stop running about! You could say a few words and now boom you can say and sing so much! I love how you hold my hand, no matter what we are doing, or stroke my arm, I always want to be able to look and see you there holding my hand. I want you to always be as kind, gentle, and have the openness to accept anything or anyone. You are a kind soul and it radiates out of you, everyone loves you. You are everyone’s favourite no matter where we go!

You are my little Price George look alike, but really you are my one and only Prince.

I can never thank you enough for what you have done for me this year, you will not understand until you are older but I can never repay you for saving me.

I am so proud to be your mother, it is an honour and a privilege to watch you grow, you have made me the person I was supposed to be.

Happy 2nd Birthday Elijah I cannot wait to see what the next year holds for you.

Love Mummy (or Mummummummumum) xxx


Popular posts from this blog

Dear Elijah, on your fourth heart day

Elijah the heart hero never letting anything stop him. Today  is your 4th heart day. It's 4 years since we took you down to Great Ormond Street for open heart surgery. It seems to have crept up on us again. Another whole year has passed but it hasn't changed how I feel about that day. Some have said that oh, by now surely you should have gotten over it after all it's been 4 years. The answer is I don't think I ever will. I have been thinking a lot about that day, where I signed the consent forms for them to take you and operate on you. To either save or take your life. That day was the worst of my life, the unknown certainty of whether you would come back up again. I held you as they put you to sleep. They gave me your dummy as they took you from me and laid you on the operating table as if you weighed nothing. I couldn't even kiss you goodbye in case it was the last time. That's why I won't ever get over it and those who have been in the

The one with Elijah's heart surgery.

We were back. April 22-28 2015, a year ago this weekend. In just two short weeks since we last went down to London. We had to go down the day before and check in and have another blood test. As all of the forms had been signed last time, we were out again within an hour or so. Back to the same family accommodation, in a different room and with a lot less luggage. Something felt different this time, although I didn't want to believe it was going ahead in the event it was cancelled again, deep down I knew it would be. The morning of the surgery I knew how I would feel as we had been through this all before. I didn't want to go out for a meal so we ate in the hotel room watching ch5 rubbish after Elijah went down in the travel cot. Its odd that through the whole pre admission, cancelled op and the actual operation I can remember what shit we watched on TV and what we ate for tea that night. One of those weird things that just sticks in your head. Sort of like when you rememb

The time Fajita night resulted in having a baby in a bath.

The newest Cockerill Do you all remember my ever so optimistic natural birth plan? You can read it here. However, spoiler alert, it didn’t happen. What did happen was something no one was expecting. Wednesday the 5 th July… a mundane sort of day spent cleaning the house and doing the weekly shop. With Greg going back to work the next day I was determined to make sure everything was ready for when this baby arrived! I was three days off my due date and still hadn’t had one single sign this baby was imminently coming. I had been receiving messages from quite a few people asking if baby was here yet. I was getting fed up as everything I had tried to induce labour failed miserably and every morning for the last two weeks I woke up disappointed I wasn’t in labour! I gave up, walking didn’t help, pineapple made me sick and I was beginning to tire of the raspberry leaf tea. This baby was staying put. In the evening I put Elijah bed, and we began to settle down for the eveni