Today I wanted to share a piece that I wrote when I first started writing about my PTSD, and our NICU/ CHD story. I didn't know where the blog would take me and in just a few months I am overwhelmed with how far I have come. For the first time in quite some time I feel happy, positive and in control of myself. Something I was the complete opposite of back in March. I was a shell of myself. We are now approaching Elijah's 2nd birthday and for once I am looking forward not backwards. It just goes to show the difference of what you can happen when you begin to talk and start a conversation about something like PTSD. I was very frightened when I was first spoke out, what would people think of me? We need to stop the stigma, stop the fear and let other speak, free from judgement.
Until only a couple of months ago I didn’t even have a Facebook account. I used my partner Greg’s to snoop on other people’s, did not understand Twitter (I still don’t tbh), and thought Instagram was something Kim Kardashian used to help her take over the world. It was on a whim one day when Elijah was at nursery and Greg had moaned at me for uploading MORE baby spam on his profile I decided to join Instagram.
|The light in the darkness|
Before I knew it I had a few pieces that I had written, actually I couldn’t stop and I was writing away each night. I had submitted two pieces to Selfish Mother, but didn’t know what to do with the rest. Then it came to me. I would start my own blog. The honest confessions of a NICU Mum. I would tell our story, about how we really felt at the time as well as sharing other posts about the funny highs and lows of raising a toddler. People seemed to really enjoy the funny side as well when I put the photos on my Instagram feed. There was an underlying fear no would read it and Greg would spend hours refreshing the feed himself but I thought I would give it a go.
I am far from technical, so Greg’s friend who had a blog helped me set one up and I slowly learnt how to upload all of my pieces. To gain more readers, I then started a Facebook and Twitter as well. I am now a fully-fledged Mum Blogger. People did read my blog, and guess what they have carried on! I have had countless messages from other NICU Mums, or mum’s who have had their child go through surgery and to be able to connect, chat and feel that I can truly understand them and to be really understood feels amazing. No one I knew had been through the extent what we have. It felt like at times I was alone in dealing with this and it had only happened to us. Now I know this is not the case. I feel for the first time since Elijah’s surgery that things are going well, I feel positive. I am no longer in the spiral of self -pity, denial and depression. I feel like I am tackling the PTSD in my own way with the help of the blog and all of the lovely mamas and papas out there that have helped me, made me laugh, allowed me to submit a guest post on their site or have given me blogging tips.