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A funfair, living the park life, a lost phone and a crappy haircut.

It's been a while since I have posted about our current adventures and shock bloody horror the sun has been shining, so we have been making the most of it. We have been playing a lot in the garden (I love this as it is free and there are on site toilets and food is available if I have remembered to go shopping), we visited a fen near our house. It's literally a 5-minute walk from us and has loads of fields, a small river and a park. Why in 19 months I have not been here before baffles me as Elijah bloody loved it. He did leg it off quite a few times but it wore him out and it is FREE!! There is even a resident hawk that flies over!
Going down the slide without any trousers on- standard Elijah behaviour
We also crossed another first off the list with him experiencing his first funfair! Another first was that I attempted to cut the little rat tail off his hair which was beginning to morph into a mullet and gave him a pretty crappy bowl cut my mistake. Whoops. First shit hair cut is now officially ticked off the list! I tried to cover it up with his sun hat but he won’t keep it bloody on! It’s like he is purposefully dobbing me in!
With spending so much time with my little Damien I have learnt he is officially a twonager. There have been tantrums, tears, throwing himself on the floor, throwing things at me, a complete public meltdown, which resulted my serious mum voice coming out and enough food crushed into the carpet that I am pretty sure I may  have to rip it up. He now talks more than Katie Hopkins and is making me laugh with the strange things he is coming out with. Especially when he did call our cat MewMew a bitch. Ahem cue giggles then changing the subject quickly!

Playing in the garden, sounds so fun, so easy! You are SO wrong!  It requires much planning and I wish it was just a case of lobbing him outside with some chalk. You would think as you are at home it is a familiar place, with food, toys and nappies on tap it would be great. However, it can also be bloody stressful here is why;

       1.     The minute I get the hat and sun cream out Elijah throws a hissy fit and runs away.

2.       He is obsessed with making a break for it down the path which leads to a busy main road.

3.       You spend ages setting up an activity only for him to get bored within 2 minutes and want to go watch C Beebies, even though you are trying to catch a sneaky tan.

4.       The snack you brought him is now tipped on the floor and covered in ants.

5.       You now realise that Elijah maybe responsible for the ants being found in the playroom.

6.       He doesn’t want to wear his shoes in the garden and you always loose one.

7.       You need to be on a constant visual for stones being eaten.

8.       The poor cats now get terrorised outside.

9.       He finds it more fun to open and close the door rather than play with all of the toys you have brought him.

10.   It will eventually lead to Elijah diving head first of a chair/slide/ climbing frame or table and getting hurt.
Bad bowl cut making a reappearance
       Sometimes I wake up and think right we are going to do something fun! Let’s go out! Something that everyone else seems to be doing and then they take amazing family photos of which look so natural and easy. We will go for a walk! At the fen! I have packed the blanket and a picnic out of packets of things I have in the draw. I have got my new camera ready to take some Instagram worthy pictures of our amazing nature filled walk.  Was it natural and easy? Was it bloody hell. I spent most of the time (after releasing the beast from his confines) running after Elijah with the pram as he ran in every other direction than I wanted him to. Then he fell over. A lot. He threw a wobbler whenever I got my camera out. Then he was hungry, snack given I looked away for 2 seconds to find said snack dumped on the floor. Then he wouldn’t leave the park, threw a tantrum and had to be wrestled back into the pram whinging all the way home. Sigh.

Future model in the making

The weekend rolls in, with the sunshine still present (that’s got to be a new record? 4 days in a row!) I have even shaved my legs and got last year’s flip flops out! The factor 50 has been purchased. The battle between me, Elijah and the sun hat has been raging on. We decide as the fair is in town it’s the perfect way to spend Saturday Afternoon (and daddy’s money). I have bundled Elijah in the pram, packed the reins and go to meet our play date for the afternoon. I mean what could possible go wrong? Two toddlers, one (teething) 7 month old and three adults? Surely the odds are in our favour?
All the fun of the fair
No, they really were not. I think within about 5 minutes it began to slightly go wrong when Elijah and Evelyn wanted to go on their first ride and me and Sam had to cram our arses into it too. I did not fit in this bloody thing and went around the little track with my leg (and pretty sure my foof too) hanging out. Elijah then threw one of many tantrums of the day which involves him throwing himself back on the floor on his reins when I said we couldn’t get on it again. I was slightly worried this time I wouldn’t be able to get out and the fire engine and local papers would be called. Poor Sam squished her boobs into a little car when really they needed their own one!
They look so innocent... right?
We were then robbed by hook a duck, hook a bag etc.… £3.00… I am still annoyed and my purse is still very much lighter. Each kid then took their turn in throwing a wobbler. Evelyn also did a great job of driving a tiny electric boat! She did it for the girls, where as Elijah got in a mood when I took his shoes of and then screamed his head off! 
Eventually we left the interesting sights and sounds of the fair, pretty much bankrupt to take the kids to a nearby public garden. We closed the gate so they couldn’t get out and just let them run riot it was great, and free. Did I mention I like free things?! It didn’t even dampen our spirits when two grown older men came to sit on a bench and drink Stella you know at 16.00.  Laura then managed to lose her phone and have to go meet some shady but strangely honest kids who found this and handed it back to her. Who said there wasn’t any hope for the next generation?  Elijah and Evelyn had a whale of a time digging in dirt with sticks like some 1970’s outdoor kids. Made us think why did we spend all that money at the fair again? We didn’t even stop for doughnuts! It’s okay the fair is still on for another week there is still time to go back and spend the rest of my month’s pay on doughnuts!!
Bubba Elliot
Literally having the time of their lives
This weekend also saw me dumping ahem I mean lovingly drop my adorable bundle of joy of the Nana’s house for a sleepover! While Mama hit the town, well Dereham Hollywood Cinema where time has stood still since the 90’s! With the bestie to see a film, mock her tomato juice habit and the fact she takes PG Tips into the cinema. Who under the age of 60 does this? TELL ME!! The next morning, baby free you would think I would be sleeping in without having a little sleep robber kicking me in the face or head-butting me causing me to think that crunch may have resulted in him succeeding in finally breaking my nose. No, Elijah has successfully ruined my body clock and I was up, dressed and out of the house even earlier than if I had him! WAAAH. There was an even bigger kick in the crotch when my Nan announced he slept through the night until 7.30 AM without a peep. FML. Always the bloody case.
He doesn't normally like ice cream, unless it's mine.

So there we have it, the adventures that this NICU Mum, her toddler and the kitchen scissors had last weekend.

P.S in case you were wondering since coming to write this post the sun has now disappeared and it has rained all day. That was the Great British Summer of 2016. I am off to put the flip flops and jelly shoes back in the cupboard for next year. Bloody annoying when I have spent a small fortune on factor 50 sun cream for Elijah! Grrrr.

Model shot #2


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