Skip to main content

A very modern family.

This is the second part to NICU Mum and Mummy and Nina talk- Family. Please let us know by getting in touch what does family mean to you? Who are your family? Enjoy, this is all about 'my family'.

When I think of family I have to admit one of the first things that pops into my head is Phil Mitchell saying ‘We’re Faaamily’ to one of the millions of Mitchells, I don’t actually know the names of. That and the old age saying of, ‘You can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family’. How very true. I will not bore you of the details of my Jeremy Kyle worthy story but let’s say I grew up completely envious of my friends and their families. Friends who had a loving mum and dad and a close knit army of brothers and sisters that cared about them, and would protect them at any cost. That’s what I believed a family should be a mum, a dad and their children.

However, when I look back on my high school days I learnt that family did in fact mean something a lot more than the traditional set up we are taught to believe is the ‘right one’. Family meant going to live with my nan and my uncle. Over the years we became as close as any ‘normal family’. But this was because we were a normal family. We of course went through highs and lows. Arguments and make ups just like any other family but deep down we cared about one another and I still class that house as my home.

As I didn’t have much family I heavily invested in my friends. It really is true that you know who your friends are when you go through something traumatic and they stand by you to pick up the pieces. I have a wonderful band of ladies whom have been part of my life for 13 years. We are a family, I love these girls and they have stuck by me through thick and thin. When I didn’t know who I was. When I rebelled at everything. When I get so drunk they make sure I get home, even after throwing up down the side of their car. When I self-destructed they were there and they still are.

When I was in hospital having Elijah and learning that we would be admitted to NICU these girls did everything. From feeding my cats to driving Greg to and from the hospital and contacting me every day. These ladies are my sons, ‘aunties’, and God Mothers. They are a huge part of mine and Elijah’s lives. Yes, they are not biologically related, and my son has ‘real’ aunties who he hasn’t even met! That couldn’t tell you what his favourite program is, or what he likes to eat or what new words he has said this week.  His, ‘aunties’, spend their free time taking Elijah to soft play or look after him when I am at work. They can tell you the name of the nursery he goes to, his keyworkers name, these ladies are my family and are my son’s too.
I saw a great term used the other day, ‘love cousins’, its where you’re not related via blood but your child and another have a bond that is so much more than a friendship. Where you care about the children as much as your own. I was so lucky to be pregnant at the same time as a friend. The pregnancy brought us that much closer. Evelyn and Elijah were born exactly one month apart to the day. We have gone through everything together in these 21 months. More so with Elijah’s op. When Sam said goodbye to us before we went to London for the op she cried. She cried because she cared so much for Elijah that she too was as worried as I was something bad was going to happen. If Evelyn or Elliot have to go to the doctors or even hospital I have been as equally worried about them. Elijah adores Millie and looks up to her, she looks after him as if they were brother and sister and it melts my heart. She is like a big sister to him.
I look at the people I care about, the ones I class as family and 90% of them I am not related to. But I wouldn’t be without them, they are my family. When I look at Elijah I do sometimes feel slightly sad for him that other than two Great Nan’s he doesn’t have any other grandparents we are in contact with. But then I think why should I feel like this? My son has everything I didn’t when I was growing up. He has a loving mum and dad and a network of ‘aunties’, and ‘uncle’s’ that care about him and this is what I think family is.  He doesn’t have the traditional set up of what we are lead to believe is more beneficial to the child. I know single parents that do a better job of raising their child than two parents.  I know gay couples who would be the best loving and caring parents I could think of. I know couples who don’t really like each other but are staying together for the children as this is what we are led to believe is the right thing to do. But is in fact wrong, neither party are happy and the children are suffering.
Even in this day and age there is some (not as much as days gone by but some) stigma attached to having a child out of wedlock. Well me and Greg did this. We are engaged but we are not married. I chose for my son to have Greg’s name as I too one day will take his name. We are one, a unit, and this does still provide some confusion at the dentist, or the doctors when they realise we are not married and yes, we do have different surnames. Sigh. This is after they have pronounced Elijah’s name wrong for the 100th time. Big Sigh.

The conservative idea of a ‘family’, I believe is dead. It has evolved and grown into something so much more. Whether you are married, un married, gay, single, blood related or not, if you love and care about one another than you are family. When your child goes through open heart surgery, it is the people who are still standing by your side that are your family at the end. The people that are still standing by you that even through the surgery is over and he is a happy and healthy little boy.

There are people who showed genuine concern when Elijah was having his op both friends and ‘family’, but when it was all over and we have returned to our lives they are now nowhere to be seen. Family are the people that stand by you even through the boring mundane days. The days where they tell you your living room looks good after you have redecorated it, or send you pictures of Harry Potter MEMES as they know you will laugh.

I may not ever write a book (however if any of you want to offer me a deal I will be happy to accept!) so I am using this as my ‘for page’.
This post is for my ‘family’, you know who you are, I love you, more than you will ever know, I am grateful to each and every one of you crazy buggers.

And for the one constant in my life, for my whole 26 years, Nan you are the most inspiring woman I know and have the honour to love. You have taught me everything but mainly what it is like to be loved and to love. I also blame you for my love of Tom Jones and mint imperials. x

Click here to see part one of Nicu Mum and Mummy and Nina talk- family, or to be taken to the amazing Mummy and Nina blog.



  1. I can really relate to what you are saying! It doesn't matter if your 'family' are blood related or not all that matter is that they are there for you when you need them. Sounds like you have created your own fabulous unit. Good on you! A wonderful read, thank you for sharing xx

    1. Thank you Emma that means alot. It took me a long time to realise I am very lucky to have who I do. Elijah is also so lucky for having them. Xxx


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Elijah, on your fourth heart day

Elijah the heart hero never letting anything stop him. Today  is your 4th heart day. It's 4 years since we took you down to Great Ormond Street for open heart surgery. It seems to have crept up on us again. Another whole year has passed but it hasn't changed how I feel about that day. Some have said that oh, by now surely you should have gotten over it after all it's been 4 years. The answer is I don't think I ever will. I have been thinking a lot about that day, where I signed the consent forms for them to take you and operate on you. To either save or take your life. That day was the worst of my life, the unknown certainty of whether you would come back up again. I held you as they put you to sleep. They gave me your dummy as they took you from me and laid you on the operating table as if you weighed nothing. I couldn't even kiss you goodbye in case it was the last time. That's why I won't ever get over it and those who have been in the

The time Fajita night resulted in having a baby in a bath.

The newest Cockerill Do you all remember my ever so optimistic natural birth plan? You can read it here. However, spoiler alert, it didn’t happen. What did happen was something no one was expecting. Wednesday the 5 th July… a mundane sort of day spent cleaning the house and doing the weekly shop. With Greg going back to work the next day I was determined to make sure everything was ready for when this baby arrived! I was three days off my due date and still hadn’t had one single sign this baby was imminently coming. I had been receiving messages from quite a few people asking if baby was here yet. I was getting fed up as everything I had tried to induce labour failed miserably and every morning for the last two weeks I woke up disappointed I wasn’t in labour! I gave up, walking didn’t help, pineapple made me sick and I was beginning to tire of the raspberry leaf tea. This baby was staying put. In the evening I put Elijah bed, and we began to settle down for the eveni

The one with Elijah's heart surgery.

We were back. April 22-28 2015, a year ago this weekend. In just two short weeks since we last went down to London. We had to go down the day before and check in and have another blood test. As all of the forms had been signed last time, we were out again within an hour or so. Back to the same family accommodation, in a different room and with a lot less luggage. Something felt different this time, although I didn't want to believe it was going ahead in the event it was cancelled again, deep down I knew it would be. The morning of the surgery I knew how I would feel as we had been through this all before. I didn't want to go out for a meal so we ate in the hotel room watching ch5 rubbish after Elijah went down in the travel cot. Its odd that through the whole pre admission, cancelled op and the actual operation I can remember what shit we watched on TV and what we ate for tea that night. One of those weird things that just sticks in your head. Sort of like when you rememb