Vicki Cockerill - NICU MUM Blog

This is what being a mother really looks like. Today I broke. As the tears streamed down my face in anger, in frustration I felt as though I had made a terrible mistake. I shouldn't have become a mother. I regretted having children. That I wasn't equipped to deal with two children, that I couldn't cope anymore. Then the guilt washed over me in tidal waves that I dared have this thought. I know how lucky we are but at times it is so hard to be greatful when my four year old is a ball of energy who leaves a trail of destruction in his path and never, ever listens. The baby? He doesn't sleep, he doesn't want to be apart and he screams all day. The house is a mess, plastic toys piled high pushed to one side and forgotten about. Wasted money thrown at the promise of peace. I no longer remember waking up and feeling like I have a handle on this. I feel like a failure. I can't stop craving to be on my own. I want to be able to eat, drink, pee, bath an...

The reason I blog. When we were told E had #chd I felt so alone. I knew no one else who had gone though what we were and when I looked online I couldn't find anyone writing about it other than on forums. I was angry, bitter and resentful, where were all the parenting blogs telling you honestly how shit it is to have a child who is ill? Who needs surgery? I began my blog to fill that gap, if I could help just one other person feel less alone, semi normal or just to raise awareness then it was worth it. The minute I connected with others who had gone through the same thing I felt understood. I connected with those that hadn't gone through what we had but who supported and empowered me. I don't have thousands of followers, I don't get asked to events or #gifted things. I am as far aways from being one of the cool kids as they come. But, I am honest. I am confessing what life is really like with a heart baby, and what parenting is really like with mental health...

Everyone who knows me is aware that I don't really like publicly speaking. I also have a cracking Norfolk accent I am a tad self conscious off but alas I digress. I can never get my words out in the way I want them too (hence why I am a writer) despite my nerves I have recorded a #podcast with the brilliant @thebackstorypodcast I talk about our #nicu story and life as a #nicuparent and our #journey. You can listen to it and the other brilliant podcasts here; https://itunes.apple.com/gb/podcast/who-helps-nicu-parents-vickis-story/id1273831166?i=1000416466765&mt=2 I want to tell our story in as many ways as I can, to as many people in hope that it helps just one person feel less alone, to comfort them and to raise awareness of the issues that need to change. #podcasts #backstory #nicu #chd #mother #parent #blogger #mystory #norwich #norfolk #recording #nicumum #honestconfessions #parentlife #norwichblogger #norfolkblogger #mums #dads