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Showing posts from April, 2019

Dear Elijah, on your fourth heart day

Today is your 4th heart day. It's 4 years since we took you down to Great Ormond Street for open heart surgery.
It seems to have crept up on us again.
Another whole year has passed but it hasn't changed how I feel about that day.
Some have said that oh, by now surely you should have gotten over it after all it's been 4 years.
The answer is I don't think I ever will.
I have been thinking a lot about that day, where I signed the consent forms for them to take you and operate on you.
To either save or take your life.
That day was the worst of my life, the unknown certainty of whether you would come back up again.
I held you as they put you to sleep.
They gave me your dummy as they took you from me and laid you on the operating table as if you weighed nothing.
I couldn't even kiss you goodbye in case it was the last time.
That's why I won't ever get over it and those who have been in the same or similar situations would con cur this.
Or, some may question why we choose to …