Vicki Cockerill - NICU MUM Blog

There has been some unrest in the household this week. The reason? I am 34 weeks pregnant and I am nesting like a maniac. Irrational, impatient and neurotic, my desire to clean is something else right now. There are no words you can use to describe the overwhelming urge to completely bleach and disinfect the whole house, all its contents, animals and family members to your partner at 11pm. Or why you are reorganising your books that you haven’t touched in 2 years, and yes it does have to be done NOW. RIGHT NOW, no I do not care if we are going out the kitchen tops need scrubbing down. Cleaning products have basically become foreplay to me, and I have endless lists of what needs to be cleaned, chucked away or done before the baby comes. Here are a few signs to look for when you enter the nesting stage of pregnancy. 1.        You begin to dream of bleach and fantasise about cleaning products. 2.     ...

Before Elijah was born, I didn’t have any experience with heart problems, other than the odd family member having a ‘dodgy ticker’. I didn’t really know what this meant or what could cause it. I certainly didn’t know what Congenital Heart Disease (CHD) was. Soon, that was about to change and I was going to become somewhat of an expert on the subject. When Elijah was born, 12 hours after birth he began having what we now know are called ‘Tet spells’, or, ‘dusky episodes’. Changing colour to a bluey/ purple colour and then regaining his normal pink colour. Upon his admittance to NICU he was diagnosed with a critical CHD called Tetralogy of Fallot (TOF). According to the NHS 1 in 111 babies born, are born with a CHD, this is also the cause of 1 in 13 infant deaths. Nothing was picked up on my scans, and we even had extra ones, all through the pregnancy we were told what a healthy heartbeat Elijah had. Never in a million years did we think there was something so wrong with our baby’s ...

To You, The other mother on social media. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You do not know me, not really, we have only ‘connected,’ online but you have changed me. Changed me as a person, as a woman and as a mother. I can never repay you for what you have unlocked in me. You made me feel normal, when I wanted to scream, to cry, to shout that I can’t do this anymore. I regained by sanity when speaking to you, and saw I was normal. You made me feel like it was okay to feel like a complete failure when the baby had colic and cried for three days straight. That it was alright I hadn't washed my hair and was covered in sick. To be proud when I achieved something that seemed so small to many like getting out the house, or putting my make up on. That yes, my house is also covered in toys and when the baby was napping, I didn't tidy, I ate a packet of Oreos instead. You shared a small insight into your life, one photo, uploaded it and sent out there in...

This letter was never written to be published, this was a letter to Greg, my partner trying to tell him I needed help. I needed him to know that it wasn't just being tired and hormonal that was causing me to be a bit down, I was pregnant and depressed. I cannot really put my finger on the exact reason, and I felt ashamed, insensitive and selfish I was feeling like this when so many are struggling to get pregnant or have lost a child. I know they would swap with me in a flash if they could. That's why I kept it in, pretended I was okay but as the weeks went by it was getting harder and harder to hide, and it was beginning to creep out. I lost my appetite, I had no patience with Elijah and spent most of the time lashing out at Greg. Enough was enough I knew these feelings, and knew I couldn't let them get the better of me. Not this time. Not much is out there about mental illness in pregnancy, as after all isn't this supposed to be a happy time? I wanted to share this...

                                                             M aternal mental health to be precise. Every mum no matter what their situation deserves to have access to non-judgemental mental health support. Why? Because, every mum matters. May 1-7 th marks Maternal Mental Health week, and one I am proud to be an official partner of. It is something I have regularly blogged and spoken about. This week will show the gaps that so desperately need to be addressed in mums receiving the care they need. After the birth of my first son, I was diagnosed with a mental illness, at times I was let down by the system and have struggled a lot to come to terms ...

A bit of background, Elijah was born with a Congenital Heart Defect (CHD) called Tetralogy of Fallot (TOF),  this means there were four structural abnormalities wrong with his heart. These were repaired, via open heart surgery at Great Ormond Street in April 2015 when he was 6 months old.  Please be CHD aware 1 in 100 babies are diagnosed with some form of CHD. To mark Elijah's two year heart anniversary, I will be sharing some CHD/ heart related posts of our journey that have appeared on the blog through the last year over on the Honest Confessions Facebook page this week. Elijah and Alice celebrating two big occasions this week. Elijah, this week marks two big occasions, your friend’s Alice’s second birthday (Happy Birthday Alice!) and something else that you are likely not to remember. It won’t make much sense to you now, but one day it will. This week you will see Mummy and Daddy look at you funny a lot, and you will get extra cuddles and kisses and you ...

I don't know what's right and what's real anymore I don't know how I'm meant to feel anymore When do you think it will all become clear 'Cause I'm being taken over by the fear We are one week off going into the third trimester with baby number two, and it is official the fear is now returning. I find when you’re pregnant the fear ebbs and flows through the 9 months. When you first find out you are pregnant, you are just aiming to get through those first 12 weeks, the fear is ever present on your mind. Every cramp, twinge and symptom is scrutinized and the worry of miscarriage is rife. Until you see the baby on your scan, you cannot relax that something may be wrong. The scan gives you some reassurance then after a few more weeks the fear dissolves slowly as you enter the second trimester. Then something magical happens and as it the baby knows you are worried they begin to signal to you all is well or in my case, kick the crap out of my insides but...