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Introduction

My name is Vicki Moore, and I am the mother of a little human called Elijah, who was co-created by my husband-to-be Greg. Elijah was born in September 2014, but the journey of Motherhood did not start smoothly. He was admitted to the Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) twelve hours after birth, and was there for nine days, eventually being diagnosed with a serious heart defect called ‘Tetralogy Of Fallot’. He later required open-heart surgery at just six months old. Fortunately, Elijah is now a typical little toddler, creating all sorts of chaos wherever he goes. However, it is only now, after eighteen months, and a diagnosis of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, that I feel I can begin to talk about what it’s really like to have a baby in NICU, and to watch them go through surgery, and recover. It is my hope that this blog will help others in the same boat, and I’m looking forward to relating to all you other mums, and sharing all our different stories and experiences together. This is for laughing about the highs and lows of raising a toddler. These are the honest confessions of a NICU Mum.





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In less than four days’ time, my eldest child will celebrate his fourth birthday.
Birthdays are always emotional especially when looking back, I class his birth as one of the most traumatic times of my life.
I recently wrote about how four years it still haunts me.
I didn’t just become a new mum, I became a NICU (Neo Natal Intensive Care Unit) Mum.
It was a title I didn’t ask for and we were part of a club we didn’t ask to join.
I have now spent nearly 4 years writing about our story on this blog, and for other publications and websites.
I have tried to raise awareness of the issues that affected us, I have tried to bring about change but ultimately and I hope I am right in saying I have helped other NICU Mum and CHD (Congenital Heart Defect) parents.
I have tried to process some of the emotions surrounding our NICU experience and use them to do something positive.
I had so much I wanted to say this #nicuawareness…

The time Fajita night resulted in having a baby in a bath.

Do you all remember my ever so optimistic natural birth plan? You can read it here.
However, spoiler alert, it didn’t happen.
What did happen was something no one was expecting.
Wednesday the 5th July… a mundane sort of day spent cleaning the house and doing the weekly shop. With Greg going back to work the next day I was determined to make sure everything was ready for when this baby arrived! I was three days off my due date and still hadn’t had one single sign this baby was imminently coming. I had been receiving messages from quite a few people asking if baby was here yet. I was getting fed up as everything I had tried to induce labour failed miserably and every morning for the last two weeks I woke up disappointed I wasn’t in labour! I gave up, walking didn’t help, pineapple made me sick and I was beginning to tire of the raspberry leaf tea. This baby was staying put.
In the evening I put Elijah bed, and we began to settle down for the evening. Fajitas had been served and consumed an…

To my second son on your first birthday...

To my darling boy,
You seem so large in my arms all of a sudden or perhaps it's because I am taking notice of how much you've changed.
From your less than traditional entrance in the world you were always going to do it differently weren't you?
You are already , walking, talking and climbing on anything you can get your hands and feet on.
You seem so old, yet are still so young.
You race around to keep up with your brother.
You play with and do whatever he does, perhaps that's why you seem so grown up.
I see how you look at him, with complete love and devotion.
I am writing to say two things.
One, Happy 1st Birthday my long haired loony. I hope you enjoy being spoilt beyond belief. Something your not too used too hay?
The other is to say I am sorry.
After you were born I wasn't myself for a very long time and somewhere along the line I blamed you.
I blamed you for how I was feeling, for the darkness and that wasn't fair.
I couldn't control the darkness and…