Thursday, 27 July 2017

The five stages of a Paw Patrol Netflix binge

                                             Image may contain: one or more people, people sitting and screen


1. Denial
I will just put a few episodes on so I can get on with my jobs/ go to the toilet in peace. (Message of "Are you still there?" pops up three times.)
I can tune it out whilst I work. I will not get the theme tune stuck in my head. "Paw Patrol... Paw Patrol..." oh crap.

2. Scrutiny
You begin asking yourself...
How much must the vet bills be for all those dogs and how does a teenager afford them?
What product does Ryder use in his hair?
Why am I strangely attracted to Mr Porter and why does he remind me of Paul Hollywood?
How much is the Council Tax if dogs are the emergency services?
Should we get Captin Turbot on Tinder he seems to spend way too much time with the walrus for my liking.
 Do they clean up their own poo?
One girl dog.... 5 boy dogs... you do the math.

3. Guilt.
 Jesus the plot lines are awful why am I letting my kid watch this? It cannot be good for him especially when he has begun answering everyday questions with phrases and lines from the show. I asked him if he needed a wee and he told me Chase is on the case, that's all well and good but your arse is not on the toilet seat kiddo.

4. Sofa dweller.
Things have been quiet for some time. A coffee has been inhaled, leftover toddler breakfast consumed and you should really be getting on with cleaning the house. But you must find out if they can save the Mayor's creepy handbag chicken. (Of course they bloody do, although I am pretty sure in real life those dogs would rip it apart, just saying). You realise that you have been sitting on the sofa watching this for more than an hour. Human one isn't even in the room anymore he buggered off 20 mins ago.

5. Acceptance
The epsiodes are longer than most it has given me some time (to have a poo on my own.) The kid is quiet and Pup Pup Boogie is quite catchy.

Same time tomorrow Netflix?

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