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| 15 DAYS POST PARTEM |
The archaic notion that just because we have given birth to
the human we grew for 9 months that we should all be ‘bouncing back’ in the
blink of an eye is just that, out of date. Whoever printed the first article of
a celeb pictured in their skinny jeans 2 weeks after giving birth or told
someone not to worry they will soon lose it needs a punch in the face.
Because, guess what? It doesn’t work like that and it never
will. As much as people would like to pretend it does, it is a façade. And it
is a dangerous one to portray to other mums. In the first days your body is
recovering from a trauma, whether it be a vaginal birth or C Section your uterus
needs to reduce in the exact same way. Some may have more trauma than others,
some have their stomach go down more quickly than others. Everyone is different,
no one has failed at this because it is not a competition or ‘easy’.
If you are breastfeeding then it is likely your diet is like
that when you were pregnant, if you are not then it is likely you are so sleep
deprived you haven’t got a clue what you are or aren’t eating. If you are? Well
hats off to you but once again it is not a competition who can eat more vegetables
in the first days after giving birth. (I ate many packets of biscuits sitting
on the sofa watching Netflix FYI).
From an outsider who hasn’t given birth, who hasn’t had their
body change over 9 months whilst they grew someone inside of them then it is
easy for them to comment to say it is ‘easy’, to lose the weight. But, why does
it matter? Why is it a race to suddenly be skinny? I am not skinny when I am
not pregnant or when I have just given birth why should I suddenly be pressured
to lose weight when I have just had my life completely transformed? It is
dangerous, to plant the seed in the mind of a new mum that this is what she
should look like, the more we talk about these out of reach goals of perfection
post partem the more we will feel as though we have failed when we do not
achieve them.
Because media tell me this is what I should look like? Society
dictates it? Because my Instagram feed is filled with those ‘snapping back’,
into shape as if they have coughed their kid out and are suddenly slim again?
What we need is time, we need time to adapt to our new role,
we need time to accept our bodies again. With no outside pressures to do so.
Someone in my past once planted the seed regarding weight
before, and it grew and grew, and it became an eating disorder. It is
dangerous. It can affect lives in a devastating way.
I am 7 months post partem, I haven’t lost all my weight, but
I also don’t want to. Am I lazy? No. Do I eat chocolate and takeaways and ‘hate’,
on those who are slimmer than me? No.
If it makes you happy then well done.
But being in the public eye you have a responsibility,
whether you posted that picture because you were happy and proud of your body
that is fine. I believe everyone has the right to be proud and accepting of who
they are but not at the expense of a whole nation of mums. You need to be
mindful there are a lot of new mums, who are vulnerable who will look at that
and feel like a failure. Not because they have done anything wrong but because they
are not living up to the unrealistic idea of body image- a new mum’s body image.
Who is to say what this even is?
There are so many things we are dealing with once we have
given birth, a less than functioning undercarriage, a wobbly tummy, a sudden influx
of hair growing from EVERYWHERE, acne, peeing when we laugh, deflating or
inflating boobs- do we really need to add another one to the list? Hormones, mental
state, the feeling of failure is rife in parenthood especially in those first
months why the bloody hell, so I need to feel like I have failed at this too?
Because I haven’t.
For 7 months I have battled PND, a fluctuating thyroid and
kept two small humans alive I am just trying to get used to being a mum of two,
I don’t want to be made to feel bad about what I look like doing it. (I am
writing this currently and haven’t showered or brushed hair and I am in my PJS
at lunchtime).
We are all in this together, trying to get through one
sleepless night after the other. We are breastfeeding, bottle feeding, still in maternity pants months on, wearing thongs we are tucking our mum tums into our leggings, we
are in bodycon, we eat biscuits for breakfast, we are healthy, unhealthy, have
takeaways, given up takeaways, running, yoga, sitting watching Netflix but ultimately
this is our choice in what we do and if we are just surviving the day to day
drain does it matter?
The thing is, there is a great secret surrounding the time after
we have given birth, as a society we have never really dared talk about it. But
this is changing and there is a slow change of tide regarding transparency
around the post partem experience. The walls are coming down and we are beginning
to talk freely, some amazing brave people are posting pictures to smash down the
notion of what we believe that this time should look like, what we should look
like.
We need to learn to accept, embrace and support others in
this time, to be honest, not to make them feel bad whether they have or haven’t
lost weight. There should be no ‘hate’, or jealously on the subject; just
honesty.
Perhaps when we are all a bit kinder, a bit more mindful, and
a lot more honest regarding the pressure on the post partem body then we can
begin to really make a difference in changing the picture-perfect notion of
what is ‘normal’.
Because there is no one size fits all, no perfect image, just
real life.
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