Skip to main content

Day One - Diagnosis


Disbelieving the diagnosis.
Every day for 28 days I will be taking part in the  #chdphotochallenge over on my Instagram but I will also be blogging everyday too.

Today, is day one and the theme is Diagnosis.

I can remember vividly when we recieved Elijah's diagnosis of CHD and Tetralogy of Fallot. It is a day I don't look back on fondly.

We were visited bedside by the consultant on the maternity ward.

We were told via diagrams that Elijah's heart wasn't working correctly.

There were numerous structural abnormalities which were causing his cynatic episodes. In layman's terms his heart leaked back de oxygenated blood, there was a hole that would need to be repaired and thickening of the heart muscle too.

The terms overwhelmed me, I didn't know what they really meant for my baby who was fighting for his life.

Receiving the diagnosis was the day our lives changed forever. We were no longer new parents but heart parents of a CHD baby.

Open heart surgery was needed before Elijah was a year or he would die.

I looked over to Greg to see he was feeling exactly the same as me.

Numb.

Our world was crashing in around us. The life we imagined as a family of three was suddenly gone from under our feet.

We didn't even know what the future may hold.

The Doctor left and his words were ringing in my ears, the leaflets felt as though they were burning my hands. 

I read them again and again, I Googled everything I could and quickly went into denial.

I believed he got it wrong.

He had made a mistake any minute now he would come back and say he had gotten it wrong and apologise.

I didn't even know how we would tell family and friends as I couldn't find the words.

He looked so well, bursting out of his incubator.

The diagnosis of CHD was just the beginning, there was so much to come and looking back now it was a blur.

We can now define our time before and after diagnosis.

We recieved our diagnosis nearly 4 years ago now but it is still hard thinking back about that day. 

I now know so much when at the time I hadn't even heard of CHD or TOF.

Receiving the diagnosis in writing was difficult, having it in black and white made it suddenly seem so so real.

Telling family and friends was hard, I believe Greg did most of that as I couldn't find the words, or face anyone.

We were lucky to have some amazing family and friends around us and still are.

It seems only fitting now to share that alongside a fellow heart warrior Elijah's godmother will be raising money for Tiny Tickers by facing their fears jumping out of a plane. This charity does an amazing job helping  and providing support for parents after they have recieved a diagnosis of CHD.

Please find the link below: 


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dad's feel guilty too don't they?

      Recently, there have been so many articles and posts about mum Guilt. As a NICU mum I felt beyond guilty when Elijah was born. Check out my Mum Guilt post on Selfish Mother. However, where is the dad guilt? Do dad's feel guilty? Or is this something us mums take upon ourselves to feel? Another thing as a mum we feel we have to take on (and then feel guilty about) because they don't? Is it a common mis conception that dad's don't feel guilty about anything?   When you have a baby, guilt is a huge part of motherhood, it's almost instant. The whole breast vs bottle argument is thrust in your face once your baby is born and your decision is then criticized by anyone and everyone. Something that dad cannot really feel guilty about, if baby doesn't latch and you formula feed (I think whatever you want or have to do is fine!).   As an equal partner in bringing the baby into this world and raising them, do dad's feel what we do? Are the...

Top 10 #Mumwins (okay 'win' may be abit of a stretch) of the week!

I have decided to do something a bit different, and update you all on what has been happening with us all this week. Hopefully, you get an insight that although I was a NICU Mum, I am also a Mum to a toddler as well. We are currently experiencing all things TODDLERDOM with my little Damien (666) seriously the older he gets the more worried I am he is the Omen!  Here is the little bugger covered in Oreos shutting me out of the house and making me knock on the door to come in! It also is nice to show you all how far away our life is from the time he was in hospital. We are fast approaching his year anniversary post op which is mind blowing. At times its so nice just to be a Mum to a normal little boy, and talk to other parents (many of you on Instagram) and laugh about all things #parentlife. So here are my Top 10 Mum Wins (more like fails) that have been achieved this week.   1. We thought we got away with it, we got cocky...

The time Fajita night resulted in having a baby in a bath.

The newest Cockerill Do you all remember my ever so optimistic natural birth plan? You can read it here. However, spoiler alert, it didn’t happen. What did happen was something no one was expecting. Wednesday the 5 th July… a mundane sort of day spent cleaning the house and doing the weekly shop. With Greg going back to work the next day I was determined to make sure everything was ready for when this baby arrived! I was three days off my due date and still hadn’t had one single sign this baby was imminently coming. I had been receiving messages from quite a few people asking if baby was here yet. I was getting fed up as everything I had tried to induce labour failed miserably and every morning for the last two weeks I woke up disappointed I wasn’t in labour! I gave up, walking didn’t help, pineapple made me sick and I was beginning to tire of the raspberry leaf tea. This baby was staying put. In the evening I put Elijah bed, and we began to settle down for the eveni...