Vicki Cockerill - NICU MUM Blog

Motherhood isn't always picture perfect I have written a piece for Vocal which you can see a sneak peek of below and link to full piece is at the bottom of the page. I felt so detached from him, when was the unconditional love part going to kick in? My maternal instincts seemed to have disappeared. A mother should not feel like this towards her child, should she? I could hear my other child playing in the other room and felt resentment. Resentment that because of having a second child there was now a barrier up between my first and me. He was no longer the centre of attention and I missed it being just me and him. I missed being the fun mum to him, the one who wasn’t constantly pushing him aside to sort out his brother or yelling to be quiet. I thought I would be able to adjust being a mum of two and I knew it would be hard. But not this hard. Every day is a battle just to get through and do the most mundane of things. It is a constant cycle of nappies, bot...

My own little present  The non-judgemental Christmas. To the ones who go over the top. To the ones who are 4 days behind with everything. To the ones trekking out to do the food shop on Christmas Eve. To the one who wish the kids were back at school already. To the ones missing out because of work. To the ones who are at home wishing they were out on the piss. To the last-minute ones wrapping and assembling on Christmas Eve. To the ones doing it on their own. To the ones who really can’t be arsed to move the elf of the shelf and haven’t got a Christmas Eve box. To the ones who just want a drink. To the ones dreading seeing the family and cooking the lunch. To the ones who forgot the batteries. To the ones who cannot stand to watch the C Beebies panto one more time. To the ones battling their own demons and putting on a brave face. To the ones who are spending it in hospital. To the ones missing those who are not here. To the ones who don’t know...

5 months on and still numb It’s ugly, the lowest I have ever felt. Never have I felt more of a burden to everyone that I have to rely on them to help me look after the children I created, that I chose to have. 1.        You will feel like you’ve failed as a mother. There is no getting away from it. The guilt is all consuming. All day you play the comparison and blame game, if everyone else can cope why can’t you? There must be something wrong with me, I am a bad mother. Everyday, these thoughts play in your head. They take over and trap you, they trick you.   2.        The stigma of having post-natal depression is real and very much alive today. The walk to the doctors will be heavy and loaded with anxiety that you will suddenly have your child taken off you, and you fear the judgement of others. You need help more than anything, but it is the last thing you feel like you can ask for. It is the hardest thing...

The time thief aka Limpet I have to admit my poor little blog has been neglected of late. There are a few reasons why so, I thought I would update everyone with what's going on with the Cockerill Clan. Two kids is hard. So hard. Harder than I ever thought it would be. There are days like today where I have lost it numerous times before Lunch and sent a text to Greg saying I can't cope. I believe that I tricked myself into thinking that I was moving beyond PND and coping. Elijah was being better behaved since we reduced his sugar intake, meals were getting made before Greg was home, I was writing news articles/ other blogs most days and Harlow seemed content. Then all hell broke loose. Harlow had his third set of jabs and lost his shit. It was over a week ago now and he still isn't right. It was as if suddenly at 4 months all those good hormones have pissed off you are left dazed, slighly aggressive and you have a screaming baby on your hands who is pulling out you...

Sooooooo I am very excited to say I have become an online journalist for Blasting News. My first two pieces have been published and can be viewed via the below links. As usual I tackled some controversial subjects to begin with. The #MeToo campaign and how self harm among teenagers is on the increase. Watch out C4 Jon Snow I am coming for you! http://uk.blastingnews.com/opinion/2017/10/the-day-the-world-stood-up-and-said-metoo-002111627.html http://uk.blastingnews.com/opinion/2017/10/the-coping-mechanism-of-the-modern-teenager-self-harm-002119461.html #blastingnews #online #journalist #writing #newadventures #nicumum #honestconfessions #parentlife

My high risk son. Dear Katie Hopkins, It’s very unlikely you will read this or if you do you probably will not care however I need to write this. I need to write this for my son, for all the high-risk children you are letting your son endanger by not having the flu vaccine because you do not want to fill your healthy child with ‘medicine he doesn’t need’. This is not a pro vaccine rant, it is not a for or against argument, this is my life, my son’s life we are talking about. You see, I would have sold my soul for a ‘annoyingly lucky fit and healthy’ child one that wasn’t born with a heart condition, one that didn’t have to fight for his life for 9 days in NICU, that he didn’t need open heart surgery at 6 months to save his life, one that didn’t need lifelong monitoring and future surgeries. I wish I was as lucky as you to say that he never needed an emergency same day appointment. One where you instantly know the outcome, a referral to hospital and possibly admissi...

Today is #worldmentalhealthday and I stand proudly to say I am 1 in 4 people who have suffered with mental illness. I stand with the @ everymummovement  today and all the others brave enough to say #MeToo. Please head over to her page for info on how you can get involved and let's #beatthestigma for mental health. #pnd #ptsd #maternalmentalhealth #worldmentalhealthday #beatthestigma #everymummovement