I think it is quite clear that as a first time mum, I
have no bloody idea what I am doing. There is an intense pressure if the
choices I am making for my son are the right ones. If they will affect him in
the long run for the worse or benefit him like they were intended. No matter
how many books, and glamorous looking parenting magazines you read, you really
will not be equipped for when a screaming bundle of poop and hunger that keeps
you up for 4 days straight. It leads me to ask if we all know what we know now,
why are we not better advised as first time parents? Or is that the fun? That you have no freaking clue on what you are doing?
 |
| Yep. This happened a lot. |
My ante natal classes only seemed to advise me that
breastfeeding was best, how to bath a baby and what happens when your mucus
plug falls out. They told us what to put in our hospital bags but didn’t
actually tell me what to do when I was in labour itself. I didn’t get taught
any of those breathing exercises you see everyone on TV doing. Maybe I should
have booked onto the NCT classes?!
Something that really was not explained, maybe this
was because as not to scare us, was what happens when things go wrong? What
happens if you baby is admitted to NICU? Most of all what do you do when you
get discharged from hospital and have this human to look after? Even more so if
they have had medical intervention. Is there a manual? If so mine got lost in
the post. I do however have 4 leaflets on how to fill out a MAT B form.
For myself as a NICU Mum, I feel like now I have been
through this; it is my responsibility to help others in the same situation. To
honestly tell them what it is really like, as a mentor as such. If someone had
just been honest with me, to tell me what to expect to feel. I wouldn’t have
felt so alone, so alien that the feeling I was having weren’t normal. Perhaps
it wouldn’t have led to PTSD.
Having a NICU baby or not, there is still the sheer
shock to the system of sleep deprivation. I actually think I went insane at one
point. We really need to be made aware of this, jokes aside of ‘sleeping when
the baby does’, ‘get your sleep in now when they will be here you won’t be’.
People need to be deadly serious about this. It’s actually used as a form of
torture! I think perhaps in the last month of pregnancy you should have some
sort of alarm that goes off (other than needing to pee) every few hours to get
you used to it. Has anyone ever thought of doing a new born preparation boot
camp? Where you go for a weekend and really find out what it is like before you
give birth! As it may not be such a shock to your system.
 |
| Unimpressed Mummy clearly had no clue |
Breast/bottle is your baby being fed? Yes? Thriving?
That’s all that matters. Do not ever feel guilty about the choice you make.
NOTHING WORKS TO STOP COLIC- gripe water and baby
massage- please.
Silent Reflux- sucks.
Wean when you want to, when you think your baby is
ready.
Baby wearing, co sleeping, vaccinations- DO WHAT IS
RIGHT FOR YOUR FAMILY. That is all that matters. It is only a problem if it is
a problem for you. If it’s not, then sod everyone else! It is YOU raising YOUR
child they have no right to say otherwise. Mother knows best and all that…
Oh and it will take a while but once you hit
toddlerdom you really will not give a crap if people look at you (and judging)
whilst your toddler face plants the shop floor because you told that no they
cannot have a flower vase.
 |
| parenting- being led by the toddler demon with a bucket on his head. Sums it up well. |
It's only as a parent now that I have found all of the
‘debates’ on what is best for your child. I literally had no clue there was any
of the arguments about how to raise your child. It really is no other business
that your own. I also didn’t know that people would literally tear you apart
for what you have chosen for you and your child. Oh, and the guilt, no one pre warns you of the guilt you will feel every day for the smallest of things! Urgh parent guilt.
I bottle fed my child and he thrived and was on the
higher percentile lines even when he came out of surgery! Elijah had all of his
vaccines because as a mother of a heart child it is my responsibility to do
everything in my power to help protect him. Me and Elijah’s Dad co slept with
Elijah so we could all just get some sleep. I wore Elijah until he was 9 months
(and my back gave out due to him being a chunk). Elijah was weaned at 4 months
due to reflux, no this didn’t give him any allergies or intolerances. He has
been in nursery for a day and a half a week since 9 months old. It would have
been a lot sooner if he didn’t need his op.
I did and will continue to do what
I think it best for him, to give him the best life I can. Most of all I just
want him to know how loved he is and raise him to be kind and accepting. I am
sure there is enough there for me to be under attack? It shouldn’t be like
that; I also feel like you shouldn’t have to explain your parenting choices
just in fear for being judged. We are in it together, we should support
and empower each other and teach our children to do the same.
I feel like as a mother of a (nearly) two-year-old I
can say all of the above with confidence. But it took a long two years for me
to even get this confidence. Again, add this to the manual there will come a
time where BOOM, it’s not like you stop caring it’s just you don’t let things
get on top of you anymore. Like the fact you didn’t make an organic home cooked
meal, you went to McDonalds instead.
I just wish someone had been really honest
with me from the beginning about what it was really like. That’s with the added
fact we didn’t exactly have a normal start with Elijah’s operation. I think
with the amazing social media community of mamas and papas out there not afraid
to honestly confess and share the real side to parenting. People may get more
of an idea of what it is truly like. That’s not to say it is all bad my all
means it is not. It is both the best and worst time of your life being a
parent.
There will be extreme highs, and devastating lows, it will be worth it
all in the end. I believe knowledge is power, and any way we can get ahead of
our little demons (angels I mean angels ahem) is a win in my book?
So looking back, and knowing what you know now, what
would you have liked to have in your newbie parent manual?
Toddler Wars
A funfair, living in the park, a crappy haircut and a lost phone
My top 10 mum wins
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