Vicki Cockerill - NICU MUM Blog

Three months old!  3 MONTHS OLD! HOW? WHEN? HOW HOW HOW is this one 3 months old already?? The time is going by so quickly and I can say just like his delivery this one is doing everything too quickly! We think we may now be beginning to enter the dreaded world we had long since forgotten about but it has slapped us round the face like a wet fish.... TEETHING. Harlow is dribbling like an over excited dog and chewing everyone's fingers within a 1 ft radius. Weight/height are all bang on and he seems to be outgrowing all his outfits so quickly! First tuxedo has been ordered for him to attend his first wedding next week! We have firmly settled into a routine now and tonight will be the first night he is put to bed in his basket with the monitor rather than being down with us. I too am settling into a routine which helps keeps my PND at bay with some new tablets too. He is such a happy and content baby with the dirtiest laugh! I am still in disbelief that 12 weeks have pass...

Friday 29th September 17 is World Heart Day it is where we raise awareness for all things heart. Strangely it is also my original due date with Elijah. Something we know all to well. Elijah, my first son was born with an undiagnosed heart condition which led to open heart surgery at 6 months old. It was and is a very painful journey to go down with your child. This has been inspired by all of those heart/ CHD parents currently navigating their way through all things heart with their warriors. For those who want or need support and vital information please do visit Tiny Tickers  who strive to improve early detection and care for all babies diagnosed with heart conditions. Me and my heart warrior    To you; the CHD parent, After being dealt the devastating blow your child’s heart isn’t working properly, your world feels like it is crashing in around you. They can’t be right, can they? You refuse to believe it, go into denial, this cannot happen to y...

Harlow bump in all his glory We have fat shaming, slut shaming, mum shaming, body shaming and who knew but there is even pregnancy shaming. It seems there will always be someone there to attack your insecurities, and this is normally done with the whole wide world watching. With the unkind keyboard warriors on social media, some even justify their harsh comments as being in the best intention for the receiver, a gentle push in the right direction. When Kim Kardashian was pregnant, every day for nine months there was an update about her supposed weight gain. Who cares she is carrying a whole person in there! It is the same if a celebrity doesn’t lose their baby weight in two days flat. All eyes are on them to snap back into shape. When it is the last thing on your mind once you have given birth, celeb or not. This then filters down to everyday mums like you and me. There is an unspoken pressure when you are pregnant to go give birth, and then be back in your skinny jeans for w...

My Tiny Ticker  In honour of my little heart warriors third birthday today, I am delighted that my first guest parent blog is now live on the Tiny Tickers website! This heart charity really do some fantastic work and I am very excited to be working with them. "24 hours after giving birth my world came crashing down around me as I sat on the hospital bed being told my son’s heart was working correctly. This was the first time I have ever heard of CHD something that was now possibly the biggest part of my life, my son’s life". Read the full post by  Clicking here !

The Cockerill Brothers... those who dress together... E lijah, Tonight, as you fell asleep with your arm around my waist, I stayed that little bit longer in bed with you. I drunk you in and knew these moments are becoming few and far between. You are growing up so fast, and I guess it is hard for me to let go. Let go of the fact you do not need me as much, that you are forging your way on your terms. I remain fiercely protective of you my heart warrior. You know what you like, and you most certainly know what you don’t like and boy do we know about it. I love how you binge watch your favourite series, that you only eat the cream from custard creams and want lunch at 10am. That you go to bed with your snuggie; my scarf smelling of perfume. My heart stops when I sneak in to watch you sleep, I see you growing out your toddler bed but still clutching your comforter. I always want to keep you close, to keep you safe and I worry about the ugly world we now...

We all need a mum tribe     Thank you for being there, for checking in, for seeing if I was alright.   For knowing that I wasn’t okay, for seeing through what I was saying. Even after I was a rubbish friend, completely self-absorbed in the parent fog or, just to frazzled to pick up the phone.   It is to say thank you for standing by me, after the countless times I cancelled on you.   You supported me, you stood by me but most of all you understood me.   Without expecting anything back in return you called me, or messaged me just to see how I was.   You never judged, you always listened and you always tried to help.   Without asking you knew what I needed.   What I didn’t know, was how much I needed you.         READ THE FULL POST OVER ON UP ALL HOURS   

The real PP bod Dear World, Let me introduce you to the post partem body. A glimpse into what a post partem body really looks like. I am here to dispel a few myths. You will not "snap back into shape" or be back in your skinny jeans a week after giving birth. We are force fed headlines of celebs "boucing back" everyday so we believed we would too. When we didn't we felt like failures. We didn't know what our bodies would look like after birth, we were in the limbo of us regaining it back for ourselves and realising it was not quite the same as what it used to be. We were not prepared that our stomach didn't instantly go down, our boobs would leak everywhere and our VJJ looked like a car crash. We have been made to feel ashamed. Ashamed of the body that grew and gave birth to a baby. We are not taught to accept and embrace our post partem body. Instead everyone tells us it will be okay you will loose the baby weight. Have you tried this diet...

Sometimes superheroes need help I have battled with PTSD and now I am in the trenches of PND with crippling anxiety attacking from the side. Things I have been able to do for nearly 3 years suddenly floor me and keep me up at night. The nursery run, putting the boys to bed on my own, Greg coming home late or his shift changing. I have been lucky to have some amazing support from friends and family who take Elijah to help me out. However there is only so much someome can do. I was still miserable and on the verge of a breakdown. I wasn't sleeping. I would cancel plans and isolate myself rather than face the anxiety of seeing people with the boys. I couldnt even face taking them to the shops or on the bus. I made everything my fault. My failure. As much as I didn't want to admit it I knew I had to go back on my medication. Something that I had given up a long time ago. There was a sense of failure that I had to go onto meds to get through the day. To be a mother to the boys...

The infamous photo Stacey uploaded Stacey Solomon came under attack recently by the parent militia by defending that it was okay for parents to bath with their children, her eldest being 9. She had posted a picture on social media of her and her children enjoying a bath and says that it is natural, and a daily part of their lives like a bedtime story and dinner. I find some of the comments she received quite perplexing, those who said it was un natural, she was twisted and it was wrong, and she wasn’t respecting her children’s privacy. I bath with Elijah and when Harlow is old enough (he is 9 weeks old), I will no doubt bath with him too. Greg baths with Elijah as well, I do not think there is anything wrong with this at all. When Elijah or Harlow turn around and say they want a bath on their own, which now and again Elijah does now we will stop. It is unlikely to carry on until they are old enough to bring their husbands or wives in with us too. Sometimes it is just easier to ...

8 weeks old and breaking my heart already Two month update So, it seems like it was only yesturday I was posting our one month update and here we are at 8 weeks old! I am still in the grips of PND with my old friend anxiety coming back to kick me while I'm down. However there are alot of positive things in the pipeline to look forward too including Elijah's third birthday this month! Without asking Greg has picked up the slack and is looking after us all like a big silverback gorilla with biscuits. I have really learnt my lesson from last time and accepted help from some wonderful friends who I cannot thank enough for standing by and supporting me so much. Sam, Tel, Amy, Sally and Fiona you have all been amazing. To everyone who has messaged me on the 'gram thank you so much you are all so wonderfully caring! I have tried to step back abit from Insta as I found I was comparing myself to others and then feeling like utter crap. The swings and roundabouts of social...