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| #makebirthbetter |
I have given birth twice now, and have two very different stories I could tell you.
As a society we seem to love a good birth story.
I remember people messaging me just after H was born via social media and the blog desperate for me to publish our birth story.
I have friends who were induced, who were in labour for minutes, hours and even days.
I know those who had C ections, VBACS, vaginal births and everything in between. There is no denying it we love a birth story.
But here is what I've learnt, we don't necessarily tell the truth especially if we had a bad or traumatic birth.
We glaze over it, we say it was fine and it's okay because we got our little bundle of non sleeping joy at the end of it.
We trick ourselves into thinking people have had it worse than us, that we are making a fuss.
It's okay because we got through it despite how horrendous it really was and now we do what we do best we bury it, paper over the cracks and move on.
Or do we?
There is still so much shame and stigma surrounding birth. So many reasons we don't address the real trauma of our birth and how it could affect us years down the line.
With E I had a fairly good labour but suffered a large haemorrhage which required a blood transfusion. I blacked out multiple times as I was stitched up which haunts me to this day.
I was so physically ill I remained in hospital for 7 days.
I couldn't barely hold E never mind feed or change him. Then we began another trauma in the form of a NICU admission.
With everything that was going on I never truly took the time to acknowledge how the birth mentally affected me. I had nightmares, flashbacks and developed PTSD.
No one took the time to ask about me, how I was feeling, if I was okay with my birth experience.
I wasn't.
This had a knock on effect when I was due to give birth a second time, desperate for it not to happen all over again I became depressed.
H's arrival seemed almsot surreal arriving in less than an hour at home in the bath. It was fairly straightforward in that despite me having a 3a tear I went down to surgery and everything was explained to me at each step mindful of my previous experience.
But it wasn't until I was in therepy that I even realised the trauma of giving bath on my own and having to stay attached to the baby until we got to hospital.
Greg delivered our baby we told our story again and again but I hadn't even realised how much it once again affected me.
I went on to suffer severe PND and it is only now in therepy I can truly acknowledge my traumatic births.
I wish I had knowm of the impact my birth traumas truly had on me. That despite repeating a story again and again it doesn't mean you have dealt with it.
It is important to talk about it, seek help and never ever feel ashamed to do so. Or ungreatful because you have your baby.
I am honoured to be part of the #makebirthbetter network which has launched a brand new website.
It is a connecting network of professionals, parents working together to improve birth.
I truly believe this resource is frankly invaluable to any new family.
It is starting conversations, removing stigma, educating others and providing accessible help.
If this was around 4 years ago perhaps I wouldn't have suffered on my own for so long.
For more information you can visit
https://www.makebirthbetter.org
This week also marks #birthtraumaawrenessweek so please do talk, share and let anyone you know about the #makebirthbetter network.
I share my story in the hope no one else has to go through what we did and with this network no one does.
I have also included a link to a #birthtrauma piece I wrote last year.
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