Although we have not actually met I find myself talking to the lovely Nina from Mummy and Nina nearly every day! She is a talented, funny and may I say quite hot Mama who speaks her mind and isn't afraid to ask the gritty questions. I decided I wanted to ask what family means to her. This then prompted a collaboration where over the next two days we will be both answering that question. Please find Nina's guest post as below;
Love. Obligation. Hate. These are all but a few of the emotions people associate with the word ‘family’. The fluidity and broadness of the concept has left it’s understanding down to interpretation and experience. The structure of the traditional family has changed over the years into a ‘pick ‘n’ mix’ model - take what works for you and leave what doesn’t – so is there still a need to analyse the family or is every household unique?
Grab a dictionary and it is still defined as two things: ‘a groups of two parents and their children living together as a unit’ or ‘all the decedents of a common ancestors’. But what about that friend that has laughed with you, cried with you and been more of a sister than you could ask for - are they not family too?
On the surface our family is nuclear. A father, a mother and their two children. Peel away the label and it becomes much more complicated. We temporarily adopt a single parent family formation when my husband is away on 3-week business trip. My parents live 1.4 miles away and so have characteristics of an extended family.
Rather than compartmentalising families into rigid groups with a shared norms and values; is the term family outdated and should each household be seen as individual, having its own idea of what is an acceptable way to raise children?
They say the first 7 years makes the (wo)man and there is an obscene amount of pressure on parents to get it right. Why? because the family is the focal point for providing a stable, loving environment for children. The way in which that love and support is measured isn’t whether both parents live together; or whether your children are a descendent of your ancestors. It can’t be measured, It’s a feeling of happiness. If you’re happy it’s working for you.
When I had my first son I realised how important my family was. People fell into one category or the other: those that were loyal, supportive, accepting and loving and those that weren’t. There was a structural shake-up my grandparents, parents, aunties and uncles – who I thought would never accept the situation – were without doubt my strongest support and a foundation of confidence. Granted everyone was shocked but in our time of need the family formed a protective circle around us. They made me happy.
It became a process of sorting the positive life-supporting wheat and the negative judgmental chaff. What I thought would be a difficult situation turned out to be a cleansing process. I have been fortunate to have a stable and comforting network completely dedicated to each other’s needs. Whatever the problem we solve it together. We laugh together, cry together and give each other a good kicking when we’re acting up – they’re the unspoken rules of the circle of trust.
I have come to realise that although I have 555 Facebook friends, 173 real friends, I only have 26 hard time friends. These 26 people, that’s my family. It’s not a house of cards but rather a diamond
house: in the rough they’re there, shining brighter and brighter.
Regardless of who I’m technically suppose to consider family, if you can you sit around a table, have a laugh and honour the rules of the circle – we are family. Real family.
Please check out Mummy and Nina's amazing blog by clicking here.
Love. Obligation. Hate. These are all but a few of the emotions people associate with the word ‘family’. The fluidity and broadness of the concept has left it’s understanding down to interpretation and experience. The structure of the traditional family has changed over the years into a ‘pick ‘n’ mix’ model - take what works for you and leave what doesn’t – so is there still a need to analyse the family or is every household unique?
Grab a dictionary and it is still defined as two things: ‘a groups of two parents and their children living together as a unit’ or ‘all the decedents of a common ancestors’. But what about that friend that has laughed with you, cried with you and been more of a sister than you could ask for - are they not family too?
On the surface our family is nuclear. A father, a mother and their two children. Peel away the label and it becomes much more complicated. We temporarily adopt a single parent family formation when my husband is away on 3-week business trip. My parents live 1.4 miles away and so have characteristics of an extended family.
Rather than compartmentalising families into rigid groups with a shared norms and values; is the term family outdated and should each household be seen as individual, having its own idea of what is an acceptable way to raise children?
They say the first 7 years makes the (wo)man and there is an obscene amount of pressure on parents to get it right. Why? because the family is the focal point for providing a stable, loving environment for children. The way in which that love and support is measured isn’t whether both parents live together; or whether your children are a descendent of your ancestors. It can’t be measured, It’s a feeling of happiness. If you’re happy it’s working for you.
When I had my first son I realised how important my family was. People fell into one category or the other: those that were loyal, supportive, accepting and loving and those that weren’t. There was a structural shake-up my grandparents, parents, aunties and uncles – who I thought would never accept the situation – were without doubt my strongest support and a foundation of confidence. Granted everyone was shocked but in our time of need the family formed a protective circle around us. They made me happy.
It became a process of sorting the positive life-supporting wheat and the negative judgmental chaff. What I thought would be a difficult situation turned out to be a cleansing process. I have been fortunate to have a stable and comforting network completely dedicated to each other’s needs. Whatever the problem we solve it together. We laugh together, cry together and give each other a good kicking when we’re acting up – they’re the unspoken rules of the circle of trust.
I have come to realise that although I have 555 Facebook friends, 173 real friends, I only have 26 hard time friends. These 26 people, that’s my family. It’s not a house of cards but rather a diamond
house: in the rough they’re there, shining brighter and brighter.
Regardless of who I’m technically suppose to consider family, if you can you sit around a table, have a laugh and honour the rules of the circle – we are family. Real family.
Please check out Mummy and Nina's amazing blog by clicking here.
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